This is my sister Becky, she was 39. She passed away this week. I miss her already. I want to post her eulogy here but I have to figure out how to do it. I am not a techno guru. I will get to it sooner or later. I am still not ready to write a long sad post but I am getting there. For those of you who didn't know her let me just fill you in a bit.
She was older than me by 20 months. She was 39. That is way too young to die. I am the second and then I have a younger sister and a younger brother. My mom had all four of us with in 5 years. I did the opposite five in four years, well okay it was more like 4 in 5 minutes and then one more five years later :)
Do you ever look at people around you who have things like this happen, a death of a very close relative, or some other horrible thing and think that those kinds of things just don't happen to you? I was one of those people, now I am on the other side. Its so very weird. It gives you a completely different perspective on life. Not better or worse I guess, just different. Its like you've been looking at a picture from the same angle and height for years and then you climb up on a ladder and see it looks absolutely different than you imagined. Does that make any sense?
Well speaking for "those people who have these things happen to them" perspective changing events come to all of us at some point in our lives but it isn't necessarily always from a tragic situation such as mine, it can also come from beautiful wonderful events like the birth of four babies at one time or one baby four times? Any babies, babies bring tons of perspective changing magic with them when they enter the world. Love the babies, don't want anymore, well more like can't afford anymore and need a nanny. Becky was a nanny by the way, back to my original intent with this post. It'll make you dizzy - I know, my stream of consciousness writing style tonight is free therapy for me so feel free to click out to something more, hmm, well predictable. So Becky was a nanny, a great one, for 15 or more years. She learned after the first family not to get too terribly attached to the kids. Her first assignment was somewhere in New Jersey and she told me that she still had dreams about the cute little boy and his family. It hurt her not to have him in her life anymore, I wonder if she knows that I now understand that all too well. Becky was creative, intelligent, scary, annoyingly weird, hilarious and frustrating. She was just my sister but I know other people saw her differently. It bothered me when she all of a sudden decided new people in her life would call her Rebecca instead of Becky or Bec as I called her, but I guess she just wanted a grown up name.
There time for a new paragraph. My English teachers would have a ball with a red pen on this piece of work. Becky liked music that I just didn't get like Tori Amos - yuck if you put me in a room with that music on I would complain of illegal torture tactics. I am sure she is a nice person but all that melodramatic whiny muck grates on my nerves. Anything that reeks of co dependence or angst is a deal-breaker to me, that includes people. I believe Becky knew that about me and respectfully hid some of hers from me. Does that make me cold? I don't know, I just know that I have joy in my life, joy of living a normal life (well, that's debatable) Joy from being kinda conventional and conservative and not doing drugs etc :) Joy in watching my children grow up in a stable predictable environment year after year which I know could be snatched up at any moment and so I remember to thank God for each day we have together in this world. I guess that gives you enough to chew on for the moment. I will tell you more about her funny escapades one day soon. She was a hoot. I will miss that most of all. Love you Bec.