Selective Reduction - My view ( ie - aborting babies in a multiple pregnancy)

I am looking out my bedroom window in to the backyard below where my five children are whooping and hollering with joy on our much loved trampoline.  Its about 60 degrees on a sunny February afternoon.  Spring can sometimes come early in the south, really early and then slap us with a freak March snow storm. 

So I am watching them and as occasional sentimental moms sometimes do, I had a moment.  I have them more frequently as they get older because I know these elementary school years are flying by.  I will have exactly one year with all five children in the same school.  The quads will be in the fifth grade that year and the "baby" will be in kindergarten. 

I had a moment of "what if?" 
I looked at each of their laughing smiling faces and call to mind each of their personal gifts and weaknesses.  What  I love about each of them and what drives me crazy about each of them. 

I think about how nine years ago I sat in three different specialists offices hearing lectures/ recommendations on the "advantages," prudence, of selective reduction also known as abortion.  Scared, hormonal, newly pregnant with, at the time, five babies (the quads were quints until one miscarried at 8 weeks,) elated to be pregnant and afraid to breath wrong lest I have yet another miscarriage.  Feeling frail and vulnerable and listening to the experts telling me repeatedly that "it will increase the chances of survival for the remaining multiples" or "it really is expensive to raise that many babies"  Seriously?  Like I am going to weigh the pros and cons based on a cost per baby basis? Statistics of survival a slight maybe, money?  Not on your or their lives.


I respect doctors for their ability to heal and make life or death choices, for researching and developing surgeries, medicines and therapies to make peoples lives better but in this instance my fragile heart had to decide along with my husband if I should allow all the babies growing inside me to live or have a shot at it anyway.  I am Catholic by the way so it should have been an instant no to the doctors,  but it wasn't, I pondered the consequences of each choice.  I questioned the statistics. 

What were my chances of carrying four healthy babies to term with out the reduction? I asked the specialist who routinely performed these procedures. The figure I was given was 75%.  I thought that was a pretty darn good number considering there was a 100% chance of my living with guilt and regret if I had gone through with the procedure with or without babies in the end.  At the time there was a 25% chance of miscarrying one of all of the babies because of the procedure.  The reproductive specialist I was seeing informed me that, though she recommended the procedure, she did a have a quadruplet mother chose to abort two of her babies and end up losing the other two due to the procedure itself.  I still think about that mom sometimes.  I hope she ended up with a child to hold.  I can't imagine living with that guilt.

So I actually had a flash forward during one of these selective abortion lectures.  It was to a day like today, in fact let's say it actually was today - to myself at 40 years old watching my half grown beautiful, smart happy healthy annoying imperfectly perfect children and thinking which ones would it have been?  Which ones would be missing had I listened to all that advice?  I shudder each time it crosses my mind because I know which two would be missing and I will mostly likely never tell them.  I knew this day would come as it has in various forms over the last 9 years. 

All life is precious, leave it in the Father's hands.  I know there was a likely possibility that my story would not have had such a fairytale ending and let's be real, we are talking imperfect children here.  This is not one of those blogs that waxes poetic on the perfected perfection of my perfect children and my perfect husband and my perfect home.  I have various variables and complications they have each brought to my life over the years such as filthy carpets, hand print/crayon decorated walls, huge debt because those little suckers eat A LOT, IEPs for special needs to attend, various medications to purchase for them and for me, lots of tears, lots of frustration, lots of I can't stand this for one more second moments and yet here I am staring at them lovingly out my window, my heart full to bursting because I  know I made the right choice.  Maybe one of them will be the President of the United States one day or maybe a brilliant scientist who discovers a cure for all infertility thus allowing a new generation of moms to be spared from making this agonizing decision, or maybe they will just turn out to be nice good-hearted people.  The world needs those just as much as the former don't you think?

I know I can barely stand the thought of looking at them wondering how my life would be so different without the two the doctors wanted to "reduce."  I remember when my decision to forgo the procedure cemented firmly in my heart - "I worked so hard and prayed so hard to get those guys in there and you are NOT going to take them away from me.  Only God has that right."  I told my perinatologist that this is what I wanted and I wanted to make sure he was going to give his all to helping me carry the pregnancy as far as possible.  He assured me he would and he did a great job.  I still think fondly of him today. 

I made sure to take my four healthy babies back to see all the doctors who had encouraged me to reduce, when they were about 6 months old.  No longer looking tiny and fragile like preemies, they were happy and alive.  I wanted them to see that I made the right decision and to plant a seed of thought so that the next multiple mom they counseled would have the benefit of my evidence that sometimes the best decision wasn't what medical science determined but what a mom's heart tells her.

P.S. Feel free to view the evidence of my good decision by looking at the blog header above :)


*** I have a friend who made the decision to reduce her large pregnancy and my heart still aches for her.  I respect that she did what she felt was necessary at the time and should she read this I hope she knows I do not judge her or think less of her.  In fact I think she is fantastic, I just wish she had never been put in that horrible position.

Finding God in Autumn

I am what is commonly referred to as a cradle Catholic,
(ie- since birth) and I am proud of that, though I do concede that converts have the upper hand, generally, when it comes to knowledge of the faith.  The rest of us got lazy.  I am always searching for God.  In my children's faces, in my thoughts, in nature, and in other people's words and actions. Sometimes I find it and sometimes I don't.  Sometimes it seems like the harder I try and figure out what God wants from me the less I learn.  He really is in the simple and the profound. 

Today I am in the mountains at my parents place.  It is absolutely B-E-A-U-tiful this afternoon, to quote a silly Jim Carrey character.  I adore the Fall, especially up here.  The kids had a Fall break so we decided to dash up here for a couple of days and I am so glad we did.  I find it easy to find God in the Autumn in the mountains. 

My parents blessedly allowed me to take a 20 minute walk this morning so I could get a break from the constant needs of five little people who don't sleep all that well away from home, last night being no exception.  It was cool and crisp but not too chilly, the leaves are still early in their transformation but still glorious.  It was the most quiet I have had in months.  It was so pretty and calm that I didn't even notice the constant ringing in my ears (I have tinnitus - joy.)

As I walked up the mountain road which looked like a cover from a John Denver album, the acorns roll-crunching under my feet.  I started thinking about God because its easy to do with out little people screaming for juice boxes, fruit snacks and shoes. It occurred to me that while I know logically He is there with us always whether we choose to see or acknowledge Him, I have a hard time feeling connected the way I want to.  But not today, today He is right here in front of me on this road, and beside me and within me.  Everyone should get the chance to feel this way.  The sunlight was doing a speckled dance through the leaves that cascaded in windfalls gently to the Earth.  I know this sounds very Hallmarkish and no I am not trying to win any writing awards I just want to give a true picture of what I experienced because it was so simple and profound at the same time and this is what I came up with -

 God orchestrated all of this morning as he orchestrates all of nature, the universe even. Did he set up a particularly beautiful experience for me at just the moment I walked out the door?  No, of course not.  It's all majestic because He is the Author, the Illustrator, the Ultimate Creator or everything that has ever existed or ever will including me and the thought that brings me to my knees whenever I get too bogged down with poor little me thoughts is that in His infinite majestic act of All Creation there was minute, or a millisecond when his thoughts and attention created ME. 

And He did the same for You.  Pretty amazing when you think about it that way.

Book Review : " Why God Matters "

Welcome to my humble blog  - Five Kids a Dog and a Blog.  If you are new here my writings are generally about my life with 5 kids, four of them being quadruplets, a daughter with autism and my Catholic faith.  Well its a big jumble O' stuff really.  I like to have fun and make fun of myself and other things but I will not be making fun of this book because I really liked it.

Today I am hosting my very first book review!  I love to read so when the offer came in my inbox I was intrigued.  When I saw the title it was a neat moment of hmm is this a coincidence?  I think not.  I had seen a blurb about this book somewhere recently and was thinking I would like to read it anyway.  Funny how that works out.  As I am newly trying to be extra frugal, getting to read a free copy was a nice little perk.

The book?  Oh I guess I should mention the title!  "Why God Matters - How to recognize him in daily life," is written by a father/daughter team- Deacon Steve Lubert and his daughter Karina Fabian.  I can only imagine that co-authoring a book on faith would have to bring a family closer even if it was hard work.  It is published by Tribute Books and is set up in fourteen chapters.  Each chapter has an essay on a particular faith issue followed by a short "Life Lesson."  The chapters are alternately penned by the deacon and his daughter.

I am immediately drawn to the familiar voice in the essays, that of a friend almost and I like the Life Lessons for their digestibility.  I know that is a strange choice of words for a book but it fits.

The writing style is quiet, simple and straight forward.  It does not lack depth but pulls you into the next chapter by not overwhelming you.  A chapter a night would be a good pace if you could hold yourself back, letting the lessons sink in and really finding how they apply to you.

The book quotes scripture as well as the Catechism of the Catholic Church, however this book appeals to a wide audience , its Christian at the core and as Christians we all believe in and love the same eternal Father, Son and Holy Spirit, no matter how we celebrate.

There are chapters on a variety of topics and the personal stories were my favorite as they added to the flavor of authenticity.  I just love this book because it doesn't make the reader feel stupid or bad about themselves!  Everyone has to walk their own faith walk.  No one can do it for you.  We all may hear the same words in the Bible, at mass or service but our life experiences are different as are the gifts bestowed on us by the Holy Spirit.  We truly are individuals created by God for a divine purpose.  I'ts up to us to spend our life working with God's grace to fulfill our task set before us.  I think this book will be an excellent tool for anyone who is struggling with that questions Why does God matter?

It is an encouraging book, warm and real and positive.  I do recommend "Why God Matters"

OK, now back to my less mature usual blog rantings - by the end of the weekend and maybe sooner I will post my final installment on my daughter's and my experiences in the Hyperbaric Oxygen chamber.  Also, does anyone out there care if I try to monetize my blog with ads?  I could use a little income and though this is a hobby I might as well try it see what happens.  If it's too annoying I will remove it.  Hey, have a great night and I will be back soon.

Dog Days are upon us

Do you know how much I hate this heat??  Not enough to move up north, but still it depresses me in a way that only the cold, dark days of winter can rival.  Hmm cold sounds good right about now . . . 

There is not much you can do with five kids when its hot:

Who is going to invite you over?  (No, I am not fishing for invites!!  Promise!)

You can't ban them to outside play like I remember my mom doing.

They eat up all the Popsicles you buy in one day.

The dog tears up any type of outdoor plasticky or blow up pool type thing you put out there and when you venture out she breathes her hot sticky breath on you then leaves a coating of saliva and dog hair adhering to your legs.

When we go to the play land at McD's inevitably Doodle will steal other people's fries and lick their kids ice cream cones and now that she isn't a cute little toddler, people don't think its so funny anymore although I am expecting you to laugh while reading this so  - go ahead :)
Oh and as a Bonus she likes to set off the alarm by trying to open the door that says EMERGENCY EXIT ONLY.

The local library is smaller than my house with old VHS tapes and an old unsympathetic librarian to  match.  What are my tax dollars going for??

Can you tell I am grumpy?  I think I know what set it off too.  This morning I went to Mass and during the Sign of Peace or Kiss of Peace where everyone shakes hands and wishes, well, peace to everyone around them, a little dried up lady refused to shake my hand.  Refused.  Now this has happened to me before and I believe the general excuse is not germaphobia but some archaic adherence to Pre -Vatican II tradition.  I understand tradition but if it makes someone feel awkward and serves absolutely no purpose in its adherence.   WTH??  NO offense to seniors but it usually is the seniors who refuse to participate.    Yes I know, I need to get over it.  And I will. Promise.  I'm just sayin', if I was someone else I think I would shake hands with me.  I seem like a nice enough person?? 

OK so updates on Doodle:  She is doing some more talking and slightly more eye contact, she asks for the HBOT at random times by pulling on my arm and taking me to the door saying "Want to boat please!"  That's kinda cute.

It gets so hot in that boat that I am dreading the next dive.  I have two coming up this week and maybe three the next.  We still have four weeks till school starts.  I am not sure my house or brain or body will survive the heat, the extra sugar and carbs (think ice cream and pizza) or the overload of laundry, dirty dishes and bored children.  I still like summer but maybe just until the Fourth of July.  Well I will check in next week.  Until then - PEACE BE WITH YOU!!

Cool Catholic Blog

OLD SCHOOL May Crowning of the Blessed Virgin.  This type event was a huge deal back in the day when my father was growing up turn of the century style.  Ok I am kidding sorry Dad!  back in the 1940's and 50's we'll say.  I don't want my children to miss out on all those cool Catholic celebrations that are such a part of our heritage just because we can't afford ridiculously expensive Catholic schools.  My Grandma who would have turned 100 yesterday sent all 4 kids all 12 years to Catholic schools and mine won't get to do that due to lack of funds and lack of schools.  So I have to supplement.  There are some great ideas on the web site below.

http://catholicicing.blogspot.com/




I LOVE THIS!!  Thanks Aimee for pointing it out.  I am hoping to get on the stick and do something with my kids for a May Crowning next month.  The images are not from that web site by the way.

Modern Crowning


I just LOVE Spring so much and May is about the perfect Month to me.