Wednesday, January 30, 2013

We are in the armpit of winter

Ok so I know I have publicly declared that I don't like complainers a time or two and this will make me look a bit hypocritical but so be it - its my turn.  You see I keep most of my complaints building up and up because no matter what you have to say - no one really cares about what irritates you so there is little sense in unloading it on even the most sympathetic friend. 

However, It is January 30th and as far as I am concerned we are in the armpit of winter, my least favorite, most gloomy, farthest away from summer and holidays part of the year and well I pretty much hate it.  So from here on out I vow to unleash my complaints upon the world every January 30th.  I mean you can't even say at least tomorrow is a new month because there is yet another day in January to endure!  Sheesh!

So be forewarned my litany follows:

I can't stand:

1. Drivers who can't stay in their own fricken fracken lane - they drift from side to side and try to take what is yours.  Stay in your lane dude!!

2.  Gray days that are humid and go on forever in JANUARY.

3.  When I buy a two liter of a diet soda and its already flat as soon as I open it.  Everyone knows diet sodas are only good because the extra carbonation burns your eyes when you drink it and distracts you from the fact that they taste pretty crappy and are chock full of chemicals.

4.  email addresses that use the underscore key.  I mean wth?  Its hard to find and hard to use and you always end up hitting the hyphen key first because you can't tell the difference between the two!

5. email addresses that are cutesy or full of self-importance like  or

6.  elementary school homework assignments that make me feel dumb when I am trying to help my kids.  Bring me the high school stuff PLEASE!

7.  Blog posts that contain to many exclamation points!!!!!! Not everything is worthy of that much excitement!!!

8.  People who like to rub their youth and athletic ability in your face who are in their 20's and like to do toe touches in your cardio class.  So WHAT LADY!? WHEN YOU ARE 41 AND SOMEONE DOES THAT IN FRONT OF YOU WHILE YOU ARE JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE THE CLASS AND MAYBE BURN OFF A CHEESEBURGER - IT WILL P$$ YOU OFF TOO.  I would say I can't wait for the day but by then I will be in my 60's so lets not rush things.

9.  Women who over accessorize - you are trying too hard.

10.  Lazy people- and whiny children. 

11.  Children with bad manners.

12.  Kids in the neighborhood who are mean to my kids (and also have bad manners.)

13. Adults with bad manners - please quit picking at your arm acne in front of me or I will hurl. Also, if you and I are trying to get to the same door at the same time - the person coming OUT  of the building should go first but in general I step aside no matter which direction I am headed.

14. People who let their kids play with tablets and nintendoes in church?!  Does that make me judgmental???  Don't come whining about why your kids don't go to church anymore as teenagers or adults if you do this.

15. People who whine about their awesome healthy typical children.  Kids are annoying to every parent at some point but some people have actual real problems with their children like depression, drug problems, ADHD, autism or physical handicaps and those parents tend to handle day to day life better with bigger problems to deal with.  Perspective - look it up.

16.  People who go to work sick and cough all over everyone - STAY HOME you are not so important that the world will not run without you there for a couple days.

17. People who see you heading for the short lane at check out and then walk faster to get there before you - seriously??

18.  When neighbor kids come over and smush their dirty hands and faces on the windows in the door that you spent 30 minutes cleaning today.

19. Blobs of toothpaste on the sink.  Wipe. It. UP.

20. Drawers that are halfway shut with a piece of a t shirt hanging out.

21. skinny people who dont work out

22. When my kids suddenly realize I am not in the same room with them and must find me for no reason, no matter where I am in the house, including the bathroom.

23.  People who stand at the only Redbox kiosk and scroll through for 10 minutes trying to decide what they want when there is an obvious line forming.  Just flippin pick something man.

I must quit. I must quit.  I need a drink.  Have a super sparkly day y'all :)


  1. Wow that's a long list. And I can tell you cut yourself off early. The only thing this post is missing is an official name for your January 30 rant. Love you!