Monday, November 3, 2008
I live in a very small neighborhood. It has maybe 15 houses. The houses on the left side have no children in them except ours and one other. The houses on the right have all the kids. I love trick or treating in this neighborhood because with 5 kids, 10 houses will get you all the candy you need. Here is my plan of attack each year:
1. Feed the kids dinner before costumes, while it is still light and before daddy gets home, this way there is less room in the tummy for all that sugar!
2. Costumes on and pictures taken on the front steps before faces are smeared with chocolate. Hope for a shot with all clean faces in one direction but realize that day will never come.
3. Remind kids to say trick or treat and then Thank you, not to say yuck when they see what is offered and grab daughter with autism by the hand before she ventures in to the living room of unsuspecting family. (she did this four times and only two families were unaware of her special needs so we told them and they kind of half nodded like they were afraid to comment on the situation. Its not cancer or something gross and contagious just autism people, (I know that in the back of my mind I am wanting people to know I am not a bad parent who lets her kid do anything too.)
4. Remind batman that its not polite to cut across peoples lawns.
5. Remind witch that she was a princess last year and "no you cannot go home and change your costume now that we are half way down the street"
6. Leave candy bowl on front step for kids who start before we get back. Some years I have forgotten to do this and I know that they talk about me! One year I put it out when I got home and was tired of answering the door - with in two minutes a full bowl was empty except for a single roll of smarties? Who leaves one candy behind?
7. Remind daddy that monkey maybe getting hot in his fleece costume and that his paws can come off, do monkeys have paws?
8. Steal all Milky ways.
9. Throw away all hard candies, yucky candies (ok sometimes I even eat those when its all that's left, so a candy pretty much has to be a 10 on the nasty scale for me to throw it out. Like say licorice Good n plentys, do they even make those anymore?
10. Pilfer everyones pumpkin after they have gone to bed with a sugar high.
11. Remind myself how much I will have to work out with every bag of m & m's I open - then eat it anyway.
12. Feel sick as I pack away the remnants of costumes without washing them.
13. Forget about the pumpkin on the front porch until it is rotten and the smell it strong enough to find its way around the side of the house because we never go out the front door.
14. Throw pumpkin out in the woods behind yard hoping it will sprout a vine so I can have free pumpkins next year (this actually happened at my parents house one year but it was in the front flower bed of the house!)
15. Wonder why husband isn't nearly as obsessed with candy as I am.
16. Realize that the candy stealing will be less likely as my kids get older and see what is going on. I think I used to count out what I had each night before bed time 2 twix, 7 snickers, 5 blowpops etc.
17. Relive old Halloween memories like the year I tripped crossing someones bricked lined flower bed and my tooth went through my lip, I had fake blood and real blood all over my face. My sister kept yelling at me "whats wrong!" I got so mad I started pounding her and then she being the more talented pounder smacked me back until the people whose house we were at opened the door. Oh and the sweet old couple who always handed out full sized packs of Hubba Bubba because the husband worked for the company. That was the best!
18. Feel guilty for the stealing/eating candy thing but do it anyway.
19. Realize the kids are old enough to be forming their memories right now and wonder if in their memories they will think I look fat/mean or old.
20. Wonder if it is worth all the wrapper picking up, extra calorie load on little bodies and sugar high tantrums I will endure this week.
21. Realize the answer is yes when daughter number one comes up to me and smiles saying "Momma, I am so happy and I had the most funny last night!"
Happy Halloween and remember to throw your pumpkins on fertile soil!
Posted by Morris five at 7:42 PM